Friday, November 22, 2013

What the Hell is Love?

I have never been in love. Never thought to go out and find it. Didn't exactly think it was worth much of my time.

I know that it's out there. I can feel it in songs. You know basic understanding about what this powerful emotion is. But I have never once been enraptured by it. Actually it sounds a lot of bothersome to me. Not one little bit appealing. Don't get me wrong I am happy for the couple out there who say it and know it to be true but for myself. Meh.

I think I have actually only ever seen 3 couples who love, who are friends, who complete each other. The circle. It's there and fitted to each other nicely. Never once did I look at them and think that was what I want. I am gonna go out and look for it. Not a single cell thought that. I don't know if it's because I was finding out at that time I didn't even love myself, or that I didn't want to end up trapped like I have witnessed so much of in my life.

Well to tell you the truth it was probably that last one. And the fact that I got a bad thing for bad attitudes.

I like reading about it. Hearing about it in songs. Seeing it on the screen. When I was in school I wrote a paper on it thinking I was in love with some asshole, which after reading He's Just Not That Into You (yes reading the movie didn't exactly sink in) after reading that I found out that he wasn't that into me as I thought I was into him. Actually it turned out I was using him for stories and not actually wanting to bring him home to meet the partners. God no. Again it never occurred to me to do that. The whole idea kinda made me well I never
Thought about it so I generally I don have a feeling on it. I used this guy as much as he used me, putting it that way because he was no goddamn muse. Just stupid things happens around him. To us when we were together. Made for good material.

I don't look for it though. Sure it is as nice a warm blanket out of the dryer. But it don't seem like my kind of thing. Not yet anyways.

Not until I know what the hell it is.

- Stahrie Nite posted using BlogPress from iPhone