Thursday, July 29, 2010

Losing IT

Alright I was asking around work about what I should write about next. My supervisors had mentioned water. Okay. As a Native woman I should know more about water. However as great of an idea that is, right now that is more research then I care to chew on. Anyway when would I find the time to gather this information. Okay so honestly if I wanted to I would. I mean I just made a video and edited tonight ... Last night. About tacos. How to make Indian Taco’s. Blog to come later. I’ll make time to write about water, just not right now.

Another suggestion that my supervisor had mentioned was laughing...alright because I had like 4 Iced-Caps I was a little out of it. Laughing like a silly laugher of everything. What she had really suggested was “hey has anyone ever gotten drunk off of Iced-Caps.” I laughed so hard that basically my boss was looking and giggling to herself what is really in those things wink, wink. Just laughing. It actually didn’t hit me till 4...5am as in morning, to write about laughing.

I mean laughing is great for you. It can open you up. It lets in the light. Laughter is literally the best medicine out there. I have already kind of did a vlog about laughing. Well of sorts. That is just another long story you’d just have to watch it.

A few weeks ago my mother sent me a video with this bear dancing. Not a dancing bear that would be terrible. The bear actually has an itch on the back and he’s rubbing himself on the tree and it looks like he’s “pole” dancing. It makes me laugh just as hard as when I first watched it. With that being said I have watched it more then I really should have.

I’m bear clan and I love bears, they make me happy. So when I watch this video it kills me every time. Now thats a bear in the wild.

I actually thought that I would talk more about laughing then this....Maybe it was just some late night slash very early morning gibber. I was a little out of it last night. The day before. Today. Okay so it’s been a very weird week for me. Losing my mind has been a joyous week...year. My entire life. For real though I have to say that I have been having a blast.

When I say that I laugh at everything I am honestly laughing at everything. It might hurt you but hey I’m having a good time. I’m sorry did you just get burned by that persons words, excuse me while I LOL over here. LMAO, what, she said hello. That is just an hour starting work. The real crazy comes around after I finish my coffee.

Its the reason I don’t judge anyone. I try not to judge anyone. I’ll laugh and snort, but as far as you know its not at you...with you.

I’m starting to sound like a real bitch, I’m not really. I’m just completely vain. I’m the nicest person that I can be until you cross me and then its all hands down I’ll no longer like you.

This blog is really starting to take a weird turn. My whole thing was to tell a few funny stories and share the gift of laughter. Oops that is my bad.


Adding a bit more to this....

10 reasons you should laugh more

Suffering from to much seriousness? Everyone can benefit from a bit more levity. Laughter transcends age, physical limitations an health staus and even has the following health benefits.

  1. Strengthens the immune system. A study found that laughter elevates white blood cell counts and increases antibody levels
  2. Reduces pain. The endorphins released in your brain when you giggle are the body’s natural painkillers
  3. Controls high blood pressure. Laughter has been shown to limit the release of stress hormones. In healthy individuals, a 10 minute chuckle can reduce blood pressure by up to 16 percent, so little laughter can make a big difference.
  4. Reduce your risk of cardiovascular disease. Laughter is linked to improved blood vessels and heart health.
  5. Eases depressions. Laughter can cheer you up and help you get a better nights sleep.
  6. Relieves stess. Giggles reduces levels of stress hormones cortisol and epinephrine in the body.
  7. Acts like a min-facelift. Twittering tones facial muscles adn increases blood flow, nourishing the skin for a more youthful glow.
  8. Makes a good exercise. Research revels that one minute of laughing is as effective at getting your heart rate up as 10 minutes on a rowing machine. And if you can sustain a chuckle for ten minutes, you’ll burn 50 calories.
  9. Alleviates bronchitis and asthma. Frequent fits of laughter can improve lung capacity and increase blood oxygen levels.
  10. Makes you feel good. The endorphins released when you laugh - the same ones that flood your brain when you’re in love - boost your mood.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hero Baby

It happens. I’m a woman. This kind of thinking happens from time to time. I went through that period in my life where all I was thinking about, dreaming about was ten little toes. Eight fingers and two thumbs. Chubby little cheeks. Sweet adoring laugh. Completely perfect rose bud lips. Tiny nose with my bump. Because I am native a full head of dark brown hair. Deep almost black eyes.

Babies. In this particular entry a little girl I named Hero. She is soon going to be written into my Sway with Me story. Which is very lightly based on Sam Uley, actually to be completely honest base on a role playing character on twitter that I follow. Completely sweet guy who is a guy, by that I mean slightly bad with his choice of words. More then once he was there for me when I was in a bad way. Clearly you can understand why I would want to write about him. He cares. Or he appears like he cares. Either way he’s sweet.

Anyway back to the baby talk.

Like I said I have had that span of months where all I could think of was babies and all I could see were babies. All I wanted was a baby. That was when I closed off the guy I was sort of seeing at the time. (It wasn’t just him I could not trust it was my uterus.)

Anyways what prompted me to use “baby” as a subject is the fact that I for some reason went on a hunt for a site that could show me what baby would look like if I were with a guy. I chose two people that I love and needed to know cause I love them so much. Big crushes. Anyway one is Bronson Pelletier and the other Chaske Spencer. I first went with Bronson well I just did *coughs* stalking him. Anyway, kid was cute. Nothing compared to what Chaske and myself morphed together came up with.

I have the best people. A friend said cute what is her name. Hero. I actually took the time to think about this little girls name.

Hero is going to be in this story, I mentioned, that I’m working on. I already had the idea when I first started working on it. It’s almost loosely based on what I would do if I ever found out I’m going to have a baby. I’m always thinking about that. How its going to change my life and all of that. Its scary.

However its different when I dream about it. I’m happy and in love with this perfect little being. It breaks my heart to wake up and know that its not real. Then in my reality I don’t want children. I’m completely selfish. Having a child would be something different for me. Something that is sharing. I can share, I’m just not very good at sharing myself with others.

Babies, children. Perfect little beings. They can make you feel better and its great. Tiny smiles lighting up your life. Its beautiful. I just don’t know if its for me. But I sure do love the idea of Hero.


Monday, July 26, 2010


Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. - Unknown

Wolf Pack Boot Camp. An encouraging group of girls come together to complete their goal of looking even better then they look now. It could go on without mention, this could work. So far its only been a day. There well be another possibly update next week, either the Sunday or the Monday. (Depends seeing how the actual day I started was the Sunday and when I *snorts* writing this. So I’m reediting it, really I am.)

I even furthered *cough* tortured *cough* myself with pictures of an old family friend who is a model slash dancer slash tiny a hell. It really helped me out...I sent it to one of the girls and they all took a look and yeah I think it might have sacred them a little. Cause she is tiny. Sure not the best way to encourage each other but take in every aspect of this and that might work but hey whatever works. This week that is working.

The point to Wolf Pack Boot Camp is to encourage each other during this time. So far we’re good at this. LOL! {‘psst’ goes the voice in my head ‘its only been a day’}

Well Sunday I woke up and jumped right up to the gym. Then right afterwards I mean after a good cry, something happen at home that I didn’t understand. I got yelled at and a door slammed on my face for reasons that still escape me. I am however not going to dwell on it. Its not my problem to take her hurt and pain when I can’t fully deal with mine. It not fair that she take her anger out on me, just because I showed my face at the wrong time. Anyway she should know better.

Anyway back to the work out. I forgot how much I enjoyed that time to myself. Listening to which ever book I have on my iPod. Trying to not giggle to myself as something funny was said in my ears. Which is hard to do, right now I’m listening to “Youth in Revolt” by C.D. Payne. If you have seen the movie well the book is different fuller as most books are. Its funny, I find myself laughing more and then I’ll have to go back and listen to what I missed.

So I’ll listen to audio books, because that way I can still hear the music playing in the gym. Awesome. Win win. So Sunday I had hit every machine that my communities work out room gym could offer. Mistake! Today’s mistake. Stairs scare me today. Lifting that piece of paper looks like a lot of work. But I had fun and it was great. Because it was a Sunday there wasn’t anyone there. So I’m able to be all “class” and “lady like” while I’m working out...alright I don’t care most of the time anyway. Yesterday was a great reminder that I need to get back into this and work hard towards my goal. Which is to look and feel better then I do now!

After the work out I was going to go for a swim. My big brother and his wife have a pool. They were also going to feed me. Hello major love. -_- I had to wait an hour before I could eat. Now because I woke up and went right to the gym and had a good over worked work out I was starving. So I’m swimming to not think about how hungry I am.

It was hot out so I was grateful that they had invited the family over for a swim. BBQ hot dogs and burger. Hello yum! Also dangerous. I’m not going to lie I had a burger and two hotdogs. I was starving. I could not help but name all the bad food I was now craving. Chips. Popcorn (movie theater popcorn). Pizza. Coffee (which I had this morning :/ no worries stomach is paying for it right now.) Bloody big piece of cake.

So to subside the cravings I had a pop. Very bad! Then again the week before I had a RedBull. Redbull is my love and best friend. It’s only the first day, get off my back. Nah I’m doing good. Until dinner.

Meat loaf, yellow beans, and rice. Before that meal though I had gone for a walk which took me away for an hour. I took time out to visit with my grandparents. I said thank you to them for giving me the strength to face that person who yelled and slammed the door in my face. I even gave them a listen to the audio book. They would have liked it.

I miss the two of them. I love them very much.

So that dinner was good. Very yummy. I took small portions for myself. Which still left me full, then there was pie! PIE! I said small piece. Nope that was not go. Got a big one. -__- I guess that its alright to a point. I still did some sit-ups while True Blood was playing and then relaxed while doing my nails.

To say that I was productive Sunday is a little understatement. Today I am paying for it. Which means I’m just going to do a little yoga tonight after work.

Have only had three smokes since the last update. Been drinking green tea and water when I want a smoke. It really does seem to be working. Only I believe that my mother doesn’t believe me that I’m not smoking. Or she can’t remember, mainly because she keeps asking me if I have a smoke. NO!

Good little me!


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Really, really? You can't ...

It was a wild week. Long but still short. It started with Monday going to work. The vibe in the office was completely off and uncomfortable. I honestly didn’t think anything of it because I wasn’t there to witness what had gone on. Well yeah it was more then I can share.

I’m just going to say that it’s a house full of women. Its a house full of women who have already lined up. Yeah time of the months totally together. So long as I know where I stand with these women, I’m good. I’m friends with all of them. But one, she tells me what to do and I am shadowing her. So she is my boss type lady...I mean supervisor. I’m keeping her that way because I am not going to change her to friend again I can’t do that.

There has to be balance there. I’m going to set that balance and let that be. She has to understand that we can’t be friends. As for the other ones, yes I can because well they are pretty much in the same boat as me.

They might be a little more comfortable with her then myself, but I have drawn that line and its just not going to change. Possibly even after I have lefts the place its still going to be the same. I won’t be the same with her as I well be with the others. Its just how that cookie is going to crumble.

Where I was going with this entry was, I didn’t go to work Friday, because I didn’t agree with how she was handling herself. I mean she was fine and I understand that their place was closed, but I mean what’s wrong with networking. Getting your name out there and talk directly to the people.

I am sending flyers to different places. When I’m gone they are going to have to start doing that. They are going to want to know there names and faces. I don’t know it was just upsetting that they could not just take time out it would have taken minutes then they could have gone for their own lunch...even though that office had provided a very delicious lunch. It don’t make sense to me to pass that up. The comfort of that office they go to a lot of work give that comfort and warmth.

Oh well, their lost. Laughs and food were had and they missed out.

The funny thing to is that I knew something like that was going to happen. I knew that they or one of them would be uncomfortable I just thought that it would be N and not the actual one who should be getting the name out there. I was worried, I didn't sleep the night before. With just cause I can see. Well as much as I enjoy the house and just the office in general I don't think I would recommend this as a placement to anyone. Then again they are new to the positions. We're all learning how to do new things.

I guess that was my bad then.

:D ... :/

Monday, July 19, 2010

um ... okay NO!

It was a long weekend. (had one smoke, possibly two, pretty sure it was one though) Then again it went by in a complete fast pace. That it took over my sleep and the ability to feed myself. I might have had one full meal since Friday right up too...I still haven’t actually eaten anything and I don’t think that I well until lunch. When I’ll ask my co-worker to get something to eat.

Then again I don’t think that well go over very well, I just found out somethings that I’m not going to share.

Anyway back to my weekend I had...okay starting first with the Friday. There was a bloody brown out twice I was not a happy camper. Mainly because my house was roasting me alive and going outside was not an option for me that day, the sun was hurting my eyes. I was just sick as a dog (which is silly because then I would have to go outside and eat some grass). So during this brown out I thought I’ll take one of my pain pills for my back. Passed out for I don’t know how long. Almost half the day.

So when I woke up I saw that my boss/supervisor had e-mailed me. I had asked for work to be given to me so that I wouldn’t feel so useless. Well that was my fail. Because of the brown out and my sleeping I could not get done what was asked of me and I felt kinda bad about that. That was until I started to talk with someone and everything was erased.

My back killing, the fact that I didn’t do what was asked of me. All of that. Gone because I was smiling again.

So Saturday. As you know I had plans that day and it never happened. My plans never happen, I think because they are my plans and yeah (what I can give myself some self pity if I want to). The only thing that went as planed was the party that night for my fathers step sisters birthday.

Needless to say that I got pissed drunk and went home early. I blame the jello shots that the girls are so in love with. With that being said, I sang my favorite song like ever, and called my fathers sister auntie and my father daddy. Okay first off NO! I have never called my father/dad daddy before and it was bloody weird that I would have just said it because I was drunk.

Yeah no more of that. I am not loving it. Well till my friends Jack and Jill, that is a must I know I’ll be drinking then. And its in two weeks so right now, no more drinking till then. I no need to drink.

Sunday I slept and waited to hear from someone and went over what had happened the night before. Well I got hit on by an old lady dating my cousin. So that was gross. She even kissed my neck. I’m getting the creeps now just thinking about it. Yeah no thank you old lady I’m good. Anyway I love the peen and all that comes with it.

Yes I am going to end it on that note, no no to the old lady love!!


Saturday, July 17, 2010


A few short hours of sleep later....

I knew that today was going to be a hard day but to have it start this early I am not too happy about it. Then again on a Saturday when, no how long has it been since I have been up this early (8am BTW) when work wasn’t involved and just good times lay ahead. (psst, not really going to be that hard of a day)

Mmm pancakes ---> long story

Well maybe as good as times can get. Its the Scottish Festival today which is always good times. Yum! Slightly bad beer, bag pipes and the chance to catch wind of testicles or the other bit. I’m just saying it could happen, kilts hello and it look like a windy day out there. So I might just have to advert my eyes, or pretend I see nothing. With this face :o mouthing the words “oh dear” slapping the closes person to me, even if its my mother. Please God don’t let it be my mother. All the while slapping the person in attention I’m shouting to them to get my camera I have to take a picture of how shadowy this day is.

No judge. Not now when you know very well you would be doing the same thing. Admit it, you’ll feel better.

Anyway. With that out of the way I can maybe talk about something else.

Well about the pancakes I just want some. Perhaps ones that I haven’t made, I would love it if they were, actually, edible. I did make some the other week that were just the greatest. In my standards in the way of how I cook pancakes. Sometimes they can be like rubber, another time they were foolish, they played a trick on me. They looked like they were done, they weren’t. Pure batter in the middle.

The last time I made them they were perfect (and think me making them) I think it was because I was happy. I was just having a good time dancing around my kitchen singing, talking with someone, laughing. It was fun. I have to say that I’m a good cook when I’m happy.

Let me try to explain, I use to be great at cooking when I’m mad like right pissed off. Master piece, that I have cooked up for my brother. It was like because I’m so mad I somehow became more aware of things. But since I don’t when it happened really, it switched. When I’m laughing, having that good time I notice things, can feel when that pancake really needs to be flipped (no matter what you tell me its not when it starts to bubble)

I don’t know what it is but I’m happy, I’m smiling more. Even when crotch b-words and terrible child-like-men get under my skin I’m happy. I can smile and move on. I mean I can make pancakes. I still can’t look at my ex-type with out getting the shakes but hey I’m sadly in love with him. So it’ll take time.

I can make pancakes, next challenge is rice. I make the worse rice out there. Its something that is going to take time and effort. Oh and bags and bags and bags of rice. Okay maybe a cup at a time I’ll make.

I also am going to share now, because I might be making the video today or sometime this weekend but I am going to make a video on how to make bannock, scone, nishbread, frybread whatever you want to call it. Well I want to learn myself to make it and I also want to make taco’s, Indian Taco’s which are OH-MY-GOD so good.

The reason for wanting to do that is I was inspired by JJ, the little brother I would have if I already didn’t have a boss baby bro. Well he was drunk one night and was talking about food he likes, I was naming the ones that I like, mainly pow-wow food and he was all like what’s that. I would should him pictures and he said he’d like to try. I thought it was DrunkJJ humoring me. No the next night he was like okay so I tried that...I was surprised so I am going to make a video on how to make this so he can at least do his best to make. As well as anyone else who might want to make. My self included.


Insomnia, no talking bout ME!

A lot of the tweepol I follow on twitter suffer from insomnia. I don’t think I do, never checked it out like medically or anything but I have my major bouts of no sleep, complete lack of. More then one occasion I would find myself going to school on either 1 or no hours of sleep. It would make for an interesting day with the girls I would carpool with. Oh and for the walls as well. Doors. Glass windows. Stairs. A line on the floor. A blade of grass. My own feet. Breathing, thinking at the same time. Drinking. Talking. Laughing for crying out loud is the worse.

Mind you it really doesn’t take much to trip me. I could be thinking and crash into a wall. This coming from a girl who loves heels. It doesn’t help that my family has brittle bones either. I’m off topic.

So coming back to my subject, a little unclear and unfocused about what I was really trying to say. A lot of people I have on twitter are insomniacs, or suffer from some type of sleeping disorder. I noticed this when I was writing a paper on it a lot of people were talking to me about it and what they would do to pass the time. Clearly the more popular one was tweeting. Others would say writing, or watching late night movies, getting their fill of bad infomercials, even cleaning. One guy said he likes to work out.

My first thought was “oh my gosh, he must be completely ripped” because he is almost always up. I never asked because well first thing even on twitter I am still completely shy about certain subjects and do my best to not offend anyone. (despite what ever the bleeding hell I did to that crotch, hateful bitch)

I have yet again lost what I was going to talk about. I know it has something to do with insomnia and how there are just so many on twitter. You know it wouldn't be completely out of line to suggest that Twitter is the main cause of insomnia. I can’t go on personal experience though because I could never sleep even before my sister and her bestie told me about it.

Telling me that it’s perfect for me. Saying how much I’d update my status on Facebook. Yes I know this. I like letting people know how I’m doing...actually I more or less enjoy the sounds of my own voice. Right now I’m reading this out loud.

So I don’t know how this turned into a love letter to myself and how I’m clumsy walking into walls and forgetting how to do math in the next second.

I have even given up coffee (not Tim Horton’s Ice Caps I’ll never give them up.... during summer) to see if that is my main problem with the non sleeping. Its been a week and so far no it doesn’t seem that is the problem. However, taking in the fact that it has only been a week I’m doing pretty good. Still not a whole lot of this sleeping going on but so far so good.

And I am going to stop myself there before I start talking about what it is that I am going to do and wear tomorrow. BTW its almost 5 in the morning. Which should explain how this isn't running as smoothly.

ZERO SMOKES TODAY *happy dance*


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Gchi miigwech

I am thankful for the people who have come into my life. I enjoy having them in my life. Not only do they accept my complete silence, sometimes overbearing shyness, even my out of nowhere attitude that I can show when I’m frustrated with you and about to give up. Sometimes I think they understand me more then I can fully understand myself. They get it when I can’t finish a sentence. Words meshing and fumbling together before they can even find their way to my mouth.

I’m thankful for them and love them fully. Right off the bat. However I like anyone who can make me smile! (so it's not that hard to get my love.)

So that might seem like it came out of nowhere. Not entirely. If your on Twitter and follow the lovely Tinsel Korey you would have seen one of her tweets. It was about being thankful. How we never say thank you enough. It was mainly for the things that we do have. Friends, family the love they give. Air, life, everything that surrounds us, a roof over our heads. Food to eat, clean water to drink. That one person who you can count on to hold your hand. A warm hug. A hug in general. A gentle kiss. Advice. Good conversation. Naps. Not just concentrating on what we don’t have. Just being thankful.

I’m reading a little more into what she had tweeted. It was only a 160 character tweet (all they can give) but she was right I don’t say thank you enough, I might not be as thankful or show how much I am, really am. I mean to, but because I hardly talk outside of my people I barely say it. However today I couldn’t help it, I would say thank you as much as I could. To anyone and everyone. With a smile as well.

I am very glad to have someone back in my life sooner then later. She helped me this morning with a certain someone who had upset me first thing in the morning. She gave me a smoke (I know bad, I had three today, but thats all, no more smoking today) and we went outside and talked about what was bothering me. About how this person can get so far under my skin that my whole body can shake and want to explode in uncontrollable outburst of anger. I’m happy that she came back into my life. I’m thankful for the person that she is, because I would not have had that smile today. Thank You Beautiful Strong N!

Gchi miigwech ggii bi mzindooyek (Thank you very much for listening to me)


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What a real crotch

I understand “mean” I get when its called for it, and it is never really called for. I just don’t understand when it comes completely out of nowhere. Like out of the blue mean bitchy nonsense. No need for that.

I had gotten a tweet from an account I could have hidden better, but as it is I don’t know. This compulsion to share in my love of all things me. So any how about this tweet, well it wasn’t that bad. Now that I think about. No even when it first popped up on my screen (I use TweetDeck, and have my mentions and DM on notification.) I was like who the bloody hell is this. I thought that it was one of those tweets that advertise silly promotions. Nope not this time. This time I could see the callus black meanness behind this tweet.

Callus and black might be a little harsh, but this girl is no angel. Its not the first time she has come after me. In fact its the whole reason I have another account so that I was free to say what the hell I wanted to. As it is we follow a lot of the same people (same awesome people) so it was really only a matter of time before she was going to find me and try and hurt me.

Alright so I know I have a problem with my poor poor face, I’ve been having troubles with balancing out my body and my face is paying the price. (I blame trying to become a vegetarian, not really though.) I know that I have the bloody acne scars but you know what thats my problem and I have accepted that they may or may not go away. Dear God I would love for them to go away and be no more.

10:30 a.m. - 11:00 a.m.

I had two smokes. That is all I am going to have today I well fight anyone who say any different.

It was just uncalled for and a little upsetting but not as upsetting as it would have been had I not been completely happy and over joyed about another conversation I had with a friend. Plus the fact that another friend of mine who I actually think of as a little brother, mainly because he is all of my brothers even the in-law rolled into one. The perfect little brother, if I already didn’t have a little brother who was boss.

Yeah JJ made everything better as he always does. Being the good guy that he is and caring for his friends. Anyway, so after I had a few good laughs about the comments made towards this terrible girl I let it go. I smiled and started to love the flaws in my face again. (well as much as I can.) Mind you it never takes me long to not not enjoy my loveliness.

The only thing that I am really hanging onto is the fact it came out of nowhere and she went out of her way to find my other account so that she can basically attack me because .... Well I guess just because she could. There is no other meaning behind it then that. Maybe she had a bad day and needed to take it out on someone. Maybe she is so sexually frustrated that she had to beat it out.

However with all this good will and blah, I have to admit if she had said it to me in person, I would have yelled at her possibly even hit her. I’m sorry but no one attacks the way I look. When clearly she can’t say anything to me. With how she looks. Oops sorry.


This morning on the way to work I thought about it thinking about what I would have said to her (I vent and dwell for a while). So what I came up with was. “If you attack me again unprovoked I’ll be more then happy taking a hit out on you and I won’t give a flying fuck about the payment I’d have to make. Even if I have to fix the son up, so his mama doesn’t have to see him like that.”

Clearly that wouldn’t fly mainly because of the fact that I would never tell a lie like that and I would never take a hit out on someone no matter the pain they caused me. Plus reading it now sounds really lame. What can I say, this was a nothing matter and it well never amount to anything. Even when I go down to Miami, or just the Florida area. (I got plans. Not for vengeance or anything I mean I plan on going to Florida. That is an entirely different topic.)

Sorry it was a long one this time. Forgive!


Monday, July 12, 2010

First day to the rest of...wait what this weekend

"If I didn’t like smoking so much I very well could end our fiery relationship now. But I actually enjoy smoking. I’m hopelessly addicted now." My feeling the day before. my straight up crazy feelings about smoking. don't get me wrong I still love smoking and I am always going to. The smooth inhale of that first cigarette in the morning, normally after a small breakfast and that fresh steaming hot cup of coffee. Oh yeah, sounds great doesn't it. (Unless your not a smoker then it might sounds rather blah). Good lord do I really not want to not smoke any more I mean it's just so good and smooth and my main source of a stress reliever.

(slaps hand) No I can do this, I can do this! I CAN DO THIS!! I CAN SO DO THIS ....this time. Yes I have tried my half ass before to not not not smoke. Failed normally by the end of the first week. I got this blog to help me through it. I hope. I really think that this time I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

10:26 a.m.

Today I am planing on finishing my pack of smokes and not smoking any more. It’ll be a tough go mainly because there is people that I work with who smoke and I don’t know that I can just give up like that. I don’t know that I can do it. Well have to see.

Already had two smokes, two more in the pack to go.

However with that aside, I didn’t get much sleep and that is fail. I had maybe 3-4 hours of sleep. I was being rather slow and thought that I would stay up and tweet (about True Blood and talk with my Muse who is all adoring) with the twitter loves that I care for (and play Evony). It was in good fun only now I am paying the price, well later I well be as of right now I am just loving being at work, and doing what it is that I like doing (for now) making flyers and posters for the upcoming events that are within our organization.

2:19 p.m.

So far not doing so bad. This not smoking thing is slowly working out for me. In a way. {Index and middle finger on the right hand ::: shut up its only been one day not even relax.}

4:30 p.m.

Had hopefully my last smoke, I’m just going to have to see how long that is going to be going on. I still have tomorrow to see if I can pass this test.

I actually think that I can pull this off. Not to have to much I don’t know what...confidence or I might jinx it. I’m going to say that it is going to be a very hard run of it. Even more so since I told myself no more coffee. Just green tea and water. My thinking is that green tea is going to give me just what I need and more. Cause we all know how great it really is. Super.

Alright its 8:2something p.m. And I am starting to want that smoke. I just finished a bad movie and well I always have a smoke after a movie, its just something that I do. I’m still not sure how it happened or why I started doing that. Whatever now so my solution for right now is work on getting my feelings down and have a glass of water and make myself some green tea.

I just know if I can make it to next week I can do this...oh dear gahd I forgot about the Scottish festival this Saturday, the beer tent. That is going to be my real test, drinking and parade and smoking ... No smoking I mean. Well I am not going to think about it now I am just going to take baby steps and just not worry about it. Yes that sounds like a very good idea.

Maybe I should work on my breathing and get some yoga moves on. Yes thats what I am going to do.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Hello Welcome

So this is my new blog. I might be a little bad at this. I am terrible at keeping up with my dairies, yes I have multiple unfinished dairies. For some of them I am more then likely not even at the half way point. However that may be I am going to do my best at keeping up with this blog and my vlog as well.

So moving onto what I am really here for. I live completely in my head. Everyone I know and have met, say I am so quiet and secretive. Not at all I am just thinking. Sometimes by the time it can get any where near close to my mouth it is gone and I end up just looking crazy. Or just that girl who looks like she has something to say but never really does. If you know someone like that then you know they can be rather fun and have bouts of witty conversation and can sometimes be a complete ass-face because they could not control their motor mouth function.

I realize even if you haven’t and I feel that I might get a number of comments about it no matter when or whatever say it. I know that the title of this blog should read ROLLER-COASTER ADVENTURE OF A NATIVE WOMAN and not have the n with the a but what can I say I have the tendency of not checking my writing before I click the send or post. Oh and It was originally going to be call THE ROLLER-COASTER ADVENTURE OF AN EMOTIONAL WOMAN but then I thought, no. Going in the much approachable title. So you can just leave me alone. Suck it up! I have to deal and there for so well you.

I have no set topic for what it is I am going to talking about in this blog, but I know that I well keep up with it and enjoy the writing adventure I am going to be going on, hopefully with someone if not I’m more then happy to get some of what going on up in my head out.

Possibly I could even take on the challenge of no more smoking, getting back in the gym, going to school and sharing my knowledge or even movie reviews or the book that I am reading at the time. Idea why not all of them with the slight exception of the smoking. Sure one day I would like to not be a smoker any more but I’m not ready for that and I am a firm believer in being ready for a challenge.

I hope that fine...I have no idea how to end, I’ll come up with something. :D