Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hero Baby

It happens. I’m a woman. This kind of thinking happens from time to time. I went through that period in my life where all I was thinking about, dreaming about was ten little toes. Eight fingers and two thumbs. Chubby little cheeks. Sweet adoring laugh. Completely perfect rose bud lips. Tiny nose with my bump. Because I am native a full head of dark brown hair. Deep almost black eyes.

Babies. In this particular entry a little girl I named Hero. She is soon going to be written into my Sway with Me story. Which is very lightly based on Sam Uley, actually to be completely honest base on a role playing character on twitter that I follow. Completely sweet guy who is a guy, by that I mean slightly bad with his choice of words. More then once he was there for me when I was in a bad way. Clearly you can understand why I would want to write about him. He cares. Or he appears like he cares. Either way he’s sweet.

Anyway back to the baby talk.

Like I said I have had that span of months where all I could think of was babies and all I could see were babies. All I wanted was a baby. That was when I closed off the guy I was sort of seeing at the time. (It wasn’t just him I could not trust it was my uterus.)

Anyways what prompted me to use “baby” as a subject is the fact that I for some reason went on a hunt for a site that could show me what baby would look like if I were with a guy. I chose two people that I love and needed to know cause I love them so much. Big crushes. Anyway one is Bronson Pelletier and the other Chaske Spencer. I first went with Bronson well I just did *coughs* stalking him. Anyway, kid was cute. Nothing compared to what Chaske and myself morphed together came up with.

I have the best people. A friend said cute what is her name. Hero. I actually took the time to think about this little girls name.

Hero is going to be in this story, I mentioned, that I’m working on. I already had the idea when I first started working on it. It’s almost loosely based on what I would do if I ever found out I’m going to have a baby. I’m always thinking about that. How its going to change my life and all of that. Its scary.

However its different when I dream about it. I’m happy and in love with this perfect little being. It breaks my heart to wake up and know that its not real. Then in my reality I don’t want children. I’m completely selfish. Having a child would be something different for me. Something that is sharing. I can share, I’m just not very good at sharing myself with others.

Babies, children. Perfect little beings. They can make you feel better and its great. Tiny smiles lighting up your life. Its beautiful. I just don’t know if its for me. But I sure do love the idea of Hero.


1 comment:

  1. That's the best thing about daydreaming, you can have a perfect little world where you have a cute baby that doesn't ever smell, is always cute, there is never a need to be selfless. Then you come back to reality where you do what you want until maybe just maybe that reality includes being a parent.