Monday, January 30, 2012

Sleepy non-sleeper

I have always been this weird night hawk. I could be up all day tired as anything wanting nothing but my bed. Talking, thinking, nodding off and day-dreaming about my bed. But as soon as it would be time to get some z's and my head hits the pillow...

... Nope not any more. I need to stay awake. That's when my mind comes alive and I can think and talk more clearly. Yeah. That's a load of crap these days. I mean I can think more clearly. That is if I don't speak it out, as in to other people. For some reason I just don't make sense to some. I'm okay with that. Have been now for a while.

Anyway, staying up late would normally mean me working on a new story. Coming up with ideas. Reading a new book and finishing it off during the night. Catching a few winks during the early early morning before having to start the day. I don't know if it's because I'm ... Getting older but I can't do that any more. I MEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD IM NOT THAT OLD.

Then this thought comes up. What if I have just become one of those blockers. You know writers block. I mean my ideas aren't that good any more and words on edge don't come often. When they do it's kind of like...that's it. That all your brain can come up with?

Not clever Stahrie. Not very clever. Not that I exactly claim I am super duper with the play on words. Always been a little slow when it comes to improve. I think it's probably because I'm a thinker and not really a jump right in and geterdone type of gal. I like to make a pro and con list see which result well produce a bigger laugh. I've always been that way. I like to over think things.

Well I don't really like it. I try to let things go. As it is with most people you really need to vent it out. Which is what I'm doing. Plus checking out the new app. My not sleeping right off the bat is what is bugging me most tonight so...that is that. Now I'll probably wake up tomorrow wondering what I did last night and come back and see this rambling blog and think....fuck. Fuck me for thinking of this. Then I'll laugh at it. Cause after all, I do know how to laugh at myself.

With red face and all.


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