I don’t think I have to mentioned that I have this inability to share myself with others. I know for a fact that when I’m seeing you I am not going to share you. Cheat me once and thats it! No more of that. Your cut off and basically dead to me. LOL! But that is another story that can just stay dead to me. Despite the clear undying need to call him up. Its a terrible habit that I must kick. All it takes is a look down memory lane. And the name Julie to make me want to not anymore.
I’m getting good at fighting the need to be with him. No more M. I still want C and that is an other love letter for another time.
So there was something that went down the other day. This past weekend. It really isn’t something that I want to share with anyone. But I have shared with a few girls that I can trust and know they wouldn’t point me in the wrong direction. I know that I should tell one more person. Something like this just has never happened to me and its freaking me the frak out. I mean I am completely sick over what has been played out.
JJ keeps telling me that I’m not a terrible person. I have this terrible guilt thats running me over. Thats eating away at me. I can laugh and still be me and talk the pervy talk but it comes back. Reminding me. Telling me that I should...
Nothing happened. They tell me I should tell her. I keep questioning if there is something to tell. If I have to. If I really have to. I don’t want to be the cause here for what happens to them when I do share. Sure sharing what went down would make me feel better but would it do them any good.
I keep thinking that I should move. Tell them and then move away. Give up on my idea of New York and Vegas so I can leave that mess behind me. At least this way the only time I would see them would be at just around never.
I should leave. I mean for a different reason. Not because something uncomfortable happened and I can’t deal with it. But because I want to frakin leave this weird little community.
I might already have someone with me as in roommate.
I want to do something about this subject. I have, since it happened to me once before, why there is this compulsion to cheat. To dare to flirt with someone who isn’t that one your with. If you are with that person then I think you should be with that person. I’ve always felt that way. If you wanna cheat then you should take a look at the relationship you are in.
You shouldn’t be in there because either you are not ready or because of the simple fact that you are not in the relationship anymore. There is nothing wrong if you have come to that conclusion thats great. Then you don’t have to hurt anyone. Especially that other person in the commitment.
Its funny I always thought that I would be okay with a little cheating. Mainly because of the fact that I have someone in my stories that slightly resemble me and they cheat on their others.
JJ (rolls eyes) said that I’m a catch and he doesn’t blame the guy. Now because he was complementing me I don’t see that negative. I might be completely vain and self-centered and attracted to shiny pink things but I would not break me a piece of that off.
Ew it goes without saying that married men just don’t do it for me. Guys in relationships are actually a turn off to me, unless you are C then my love for you is going to keep on truckin till my feelings change.
Where was I....oh right ew married and out of shape not to mention pale as anything ever was pale. Gross has a kid. I’m sorry I said I want kids ... Of my own names Hero from a tall drink of something dark and smart and not an ass-hole. So you see my problem. He is not Bronson or Chaske or C or the actual man I am going to get with. He’s a big fail in thinking he could touch this.
He is right, my JJ, I am a f*cking catch and he’s, the married guy, not lucky enough to even get as close as he has gotten to me. Piece of sh!t needs to think straight and start treating his woman right. And stay the frak away from me. Otherwise I might have to take all my bloody anger that I have for cheaters and take it out on him.
Situation isn’t right. Make me no happy. And I like happy Starr. She’s a funny woman who is shy as all hell.
>:[
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